Feelings to be protected
by Vamillepudding
Summary: Takes place after "The Age of Steel," The Doctor is struggling with his feelings for Rose, because he said something to Jack, who still travels with them, that Rose heard while not supposed to and is now angry. He is then assaulted by humans, just as Jack is getting them back to some kind of normal. Which leaves Rose, Jack, and Jackie to take care the injured Doctor. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or BBC or something related.

_Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction so please don't be mad if I've done anything wrong :D English is also not my first language so I probably made some mistakes although I really tried to avoid it...I'm sorry :D_  
_Before you read this you should probably know that Jack travels still with the Doctor and Rose (so he didn't get abandon at the end of season 1 and he also has met Jackie Tyler already, so when they meet in this fanfiction it's not their first meeting). The story takes place after "the age of steel" which means Micky's already gone. I really hope you enjoy it even if my English isn't that great (again, I'm sorry)._

Jack noticed something was wrong with the Doctor. Whenever he touched Rose, coincidence or not, the Doctor would stiffen and grind his teeth. It wasn't like he hadn't done this before, but while Mickey was still with them he had obviously tried to surpress it. Now, with Mickey in the parallel world, the Doctor had become really protective about Rose.  
When Rose finally said Good Night this day and went for her bedroom, Jack asked:  
"So, what's the matter, Doc?" The Doctor pressed some random buttons on the TARDIS console and responded:  
"What do you mean?"  
"Come on, Doc, just tell me that you don't want me to flirt with your precious Rose."  
"I don't care who you flirt with, Jack. It's none of my business. Anyway, you should probably go and get some sleep; we have a lot to do tomorrow. Maybe you even want to go to Roses room and sleep there? That's fine, do what you want. Really, you two would be a perfect couple, brilliant, allons-y!" The Timelord wouldn't meet Jacks suspicious gaze.  
"Wait a minute...you really are jealous, right? The famous Timelord is jealous!" The brown eyes of the Doctor gleamed dangerously in the dim of the TARDIS control room.  
"I'm not jealous. Why should I?" _Because you love her. I see it in your eyes every day_ the captain thought. But he couldn't say that. So he just grinned, trying to bring the Doctor to admit it.  
"Very well, then I will just go to sleep...remember your statement ten seconds ago? If it's still intact I guess you wouldn't mind if I go sleeping at Roses room...if we find the time to get some sleep, of course." The jaw of the Doctor tightened. "I mean, we could use the night to do many other things..." Jack added. "I didn't dare to do more than flirting until now, but you gave us the permission, didn't you? So I am finally able to treat her as the woman she is. And-" He couldn't continue since the Doctor had pinned him against the wall.  
"Don't you dare" he growled. "You won't lay your hands _ever_ on Rose! Is that understood?" The captain wasn't able to suppress another grin.  
"I knew it. You do love her." The Doctor flinched. He let Jack go and looked suddenly vulnerable, haunted, lonely and so _young_. "You should tell her."  
"No. "  
"Why not?"  
"Because...oh, Jack. You should know me by now. I am a _Timelord_." His voice sounded strange when he spelled the word. "Rose is human. Two races...one of it is so _beautiful_ while the other is just...tainted. How can something that beautiful fit with something that tainted?" He wanted to continue but interrupted himself when he heard a sob. Both the captain and the Doctor looked around, and they both saw a string of blond hair heading towards the sleeping rooms.  
"I'm going to look after her" Jack said. If Rose had heard those last words of the Doctor...well, it was not stupid to say that she would probably leave by dawn. The Doctor just stood there, not stopping him, with an emotionless face.

"Rose? Hey, Rosie, may I come in?" Jack asked softly.  
"Go away" was the rough answer. At least she didn't committed suicide by now. Although Rose wasn't that kind of a person. He should probably be thankful that she didn't murder anyone.  
Jack opened the door and found Rose lying on the bed, crying. He felt sorry for her. He had been wrong.  
"He is just a stupid alien" he told her. "A completely racist alien, by the way." The sobs changed into laughing. That was better.  
"Hey, you're alien too, Jack" she said, still chuckling.  
"I'm not! Why would you think that?"  
"Uhm...well...because of...you know...the Shoot-Me-I-Cannot-Die-Thing? And you once said you're from Bo."  
"First of all, don't forget it was you who made me to my awesome self I am today. Secondly, _Bo_ is not a planet. It's an _island_! I am as human as you are!"  
"Oh. Sorry" Rose muttered. "You know, Jack...I had hope. I really did. Sometimes he looked at me with this special gaze, and...I hoped I'd have a chance. I hoped that maybe he would like me. But even if he doesn't want me...I would have never imagined he could say things that mean!"  
"He didn't mean it" Jack assured although he didn't believe that. After another half an hour watching Rose crying he made a decision.

"Alright, Doc. You will go to Rose _right now_ and tell her you didn't mean it!" The Doctor faced Jack.  
"But I meant every word."  
"Come on, that's not the Doctor I know. You love humans! They are your favourite race, you said so yourself." Now the Doctor looked truly surprised.  
"They are! And I do! I don't see your point, Jack."  
"Uhm...not long ago you told me you don't want to love a human because you're part of such an awesome race...remember?" This draw all colour out of the Doctors face.  
"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. Rose, does she think the same? I mean...does she believe what you just said?"  
"Yeah, 'cause you did say it, didn't you?"  
"Well...I guess I'm in deep, deep trouble now?"  
"Deeper than you could imagine, Doc. Would you now explain to me what you really meant, 'cause it's obviously not what Rose and I think?" The pale Timelord sighed.  
"_Two races...one of it is so beautiful while the other is just...tainted. How can something that beautiful fit with something that tainted?_ I didn't mean the _Timelords_ are beautiful. The whole race is tainted, just as I said. And so am I."  
"You are even in deeper trouble than I thought" Jack muttered.  
"Rose...she doesn't deserve someone like me. She deserves someone way better. I _know_ that. But still...I hate her being with another man. You cannot imagine how glad I was when Mickey the idiot finally left. I hoped maybe now, without a boyfriend, she could look at me and see me as...well, as a man. Not just some alien she travels with, but as someone who truly l- has feelings for her and would do everything for her."  
"Except telling her those feelings" Jack interrupted.  
"Because she would reject me! And then she would leave me...and I couldn't bear that. After all, I'm selfish."  
"Doctor, you should really tell her. Please, do it for me."  
"Doctor?" said a small voice. The Doctor and Jack turned around. Rose stood there, her eyes red from crying. She had a bag. How much did she hear? And what did the Doctor think how much she had heard?  
"Rose" the Doctor said, putting in this word so many emotions it almost broke Jacks heart.  
"I want to go home. Please, take me back."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: I know, the problem Rose and the Doctor have is like one of those in the movies - a exaggerated misunderstanding that could simply be solved if the two people involved would just talk. I kinda hate me for writing something like this because I really hate it in the several love films. But let's be honest, the only reason why my story is working is 'cause of this exaggerated misunderstanding and the fact that Rose and our favourite Timelord don't talk _ever_ about their feelings. So...just pretend that everything is completely logical and you can enjoy the story :D_

"Rose, wait a minute" Jack shouted when Rose stepped outside the TARDIS and went in the direction of her flat, not looking back. If she really left he wasn't sure what the Doctor what do, but things would definitely get worse.  
"Leave me."  
"Come on! Do you realise what you're doing? Have you seen the Doctor since you told him you wanted to leave?"  
"I was trying to avoid meeting his gaze. But I'm pretty sure he's glad." That confirmed that she didn't listen to their conversation from before. He wasn't sure if that fact was good or bad. _Probably bad_ Jack thought. After several months travelling with the Doctor he'd say he knew him. And he knew what the Timelord would do in this situation – or rather what he would _not_ do. Most likely the Doctor wouldn't do anything at all. Because that was the kind of person the Doctor was. He'd watch and be sad – oh, no, he'd be more than just _sad_, he'd be utterly devastated. But he wouldn't ask Rose to stay. And Rose for her part would regret her decision for the rest of her life. But she wouldn't stay if the Doctor didn't ask for it. It was a dilemma, and if he, Jack, didn't do anything either it'd make two people who were made for each other unhappy forever. The problem was simply that he had no idea what he could possibly do.

The Doctor wandered restlessly in the neighbourhood. Jack and Rose had left, and he wasn't sure if one of them would come back.  
"Hey, mate" said someone near him. A group of men stood suddenly in front of him. Well, not suddenly, but he hadn't paid attention to anything in his surroundings since he'd left the TARDIS. He didn't even know where he was right now. The speaker came near to the Timelord. "Where are you going?"  
"Oh, just wandering around" he answered, feeling unconfident.  
"I've never seen you before" the fair-haired man said suspicious.  
"Probably because I've never been here before." He wanted to go, but the other man grabbed his wrist.  
"You're not going anywhere. We haven't have fun yet, have we?"  
"Let me go" he demanded. The men laughed. He gritted his teeth. Damned, the man who hold him was much stronger than he was. He might have superior Timelord biology but his current incarnation wasn't that strong after all.  
"What's your name?"  
"Doctor." Another man neared and slapped him. The Doctor tried to avoid flinching. Why did everyone had to slap him? Jackie Tyler had been bad enough but at least she'd have a reason.  
"Your name."  
"Just the Doctor. Listen, just let me go, and everything will be alright." He was trembling a little bit, and the other man noticed.  
"Are you scared?" He would never admit it, but Rassilon, he was. He got slapped again when he didn't respond.  
"A bit shy? Don't worry; we will leave you alone...after we've had fun. Bottle him up." The leader circled him, smiling. Then, without warning, he hit him. Over and over again. He felt some bones breaking. Soon the only reason why he was still standing was because two men hold his arms and prevented him from falling. The Doctor wanted to beg. He wanted to beg for mercy. But he couldn't, his lips wouldn't form the words. And he knew why. There was a small voice in his head which whispered words he didn't want to hear. Yet he heard them, and he knew the voice was right. _You deserve it _the voice said. _You killed your race. You have to be punished. You are in charge of so many deaths. You should suffer the rest of your life and even that wouldn't be enough. _Every single word was true. So he kept quiet – though he wasn't sure if they'd let him go even if he'd beg. When they finally left he fell to the ground, shaking and unable to move, his whole body hurt. He whispered "Rose" before he finally collapsed.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack had left Rose with her mom and was now on his way back to the TARDIS. He had promised Jackie he'd be back in the morning. Jackie had been very concerned about Rose and absolutely angry about the Doctor.  
"If you see him, slap him for me." He hadn't been able to explain the situation properly so Jackie just knew the story's version of her daughter. Every time Jack tried to explain how it really was Roses mum would say "Don't make it worse." Rose wouldn't say anything at all; just throw something within her reach at him. So he'd left. Of course he'd come back, hopefully with the Doctor. The Doctor...what was he doing right now? _Please, don't let him do something stupid _Jack begged.  
After opening the TARDIS door and stepping inside he knew immediately that something was wrong. The ship didn't feel _good _– it was like something important wasn't in there.  
"Doctor? Are you here?" he asked, a little bit concerned. No answer. Suddenly he got a feeling like something tried to communicate with him, to establish a psychic link or something similar. Usually Jack had been alarmed, but right now he wasn't in a dangerous area. He was in the TARDIS. That meant...he decided to just let all his psychics guards down for a moment. The next second hot pain shot through his body. It only lasted a blink of an eye.  
_Sorry. I tried to let you communicate with him, but it didn't work – I obviously can't convey thoughts, just feelings. _Was this the TARDIS speaking? It had to be. But how...  
_Timelord technology. You wouldn't understand. Anyway, you have to hurry now. Can't...hold the psychic link longer...hurry! _  
"What for?" Silence. The voice was gone. Jack recalled what he had just heard. The TARDIS had wanted to let him and another man communicate. This man was most likely the Doctor. Instead of linking their thoughts the ship had linked the feelings each of them had in this moment. Jack had felt deep pain...so this was how the Doctor felt? And then this command: You have to hurry now. The TARDIS wanted him to hurry...to do what? Maybe to find the Doctor. That made sense, Jack knew that the Timelord and his ship were connected to each other. The ship knew where the Doctor was and how he felt, but she couldn't do anything to help him. That was why she had asked him for help. He wasn't going to deny the request.  
"Thank you for telling me" was all he said before he left.

_A/N: Right, I'll admit it – the only reason for the Doctor getting beaten up in the last chapter up is because I tried to bring a bit Whump into the story. I also know that this chapter is really short, but it felt like a good point to end it. Next chapter will be longer, I promise.  
Oh, and about the TARDIS-psychic link – thing... that's simply my romantic imagination how the TARDIS would react if "her" Timelord is hurt and alone. I wasn't sure if she should talk to Jack or to Rose because, you know, although I like Jack more – it's way easier to write from his point of view than from Roses – it's Rose who is more important to the Doctor. But then I thought "What if the TARDIS just asks the first person who comes along for help?" – so that's how I justify it in front of myself :D _


	4. Chapter 4

While he just walked around Jack passed a group of men. They were laughing and looked like guys who liked to cause trouble. But who was he to judge?  
"What shall we do next, Jimmy?" one man asked. They didn't noticed Jack who hid himself in a dark house entrance. He didn't need more trouble.  
"We could go back" another man answered.  
"But it's no fun at all if he doesn't realises what's happening" a third man complained.  
"It's in the middle of the night; nobody will come along for the next hours. We could wait for him to wake up..." That was the first man again.  
"Or we wake him up by ourselves. Let's see how much this so-called Doctor can take 'til he passes out the next time." Jack froze. These men were responsible for the Doctors pain which was really terrible, he'd felt it by himself. Slowly he stepped out of the shadows in the dimly lit street. The group was still there, discussing.  
"You've hurt a friend of mine." His voice was quit yet plainly audible. Everyone turned around to face him. "Do you think this is something that can be forgiven easily?" Head-shaking and scared faces were the answers. Jack headed for his revolver, pointed the gun at the scared men. He knew the Doctor wouldn't appreciate this, even if those men had injured him. But he wasn't the Doctor, and he was angry. He had a feeling that he'd be even angrier after he'd found the Doctor. - Finding the Doctor. He wanted to hurt those people, wanted it so badly after he'd felt the pain of his friend, yet there was something more important now.  
"Tell me where he is, and maybe I won't shoot you." One man pointed a shivering hand in the direction. Jack nodded, but didn't put the gun back in his coat. "Beg that he's still in the condition to tell me that I mustn't go and find you. 'Cause if he isn't you'd better run." Not until then he put the revolver down and walked in the direction the guy had showed him. Nobody tried to stop him.  
Soon he heard a moan in pain. Jack followed the sound.  
Behind the next corner laid the Doctor. He ran towards him, kneeled beside the unconscious Timelord, and was relieved when he noticed that the Doctor was still breathing. His face was covered with bruises and Jack had a feeling these weren't the only ones. One arm was definitely broken.  
He'd been right – his anger grew. But he had to concentrate on the injured man below. Because the Doctor was still senseless Jack had to carry him. And he had to make a decision: TARDIS or the home of the Tylers?

Without knocking Jackie walked into the room of her daughter. There she was, sitting on her bed with the laptop on her knees.  
"What are you doing, Rose?" she asked.  
"Looking for job offers."Jackie didn't exactly know what was going on between Rose and the Doctor. Everything she was aware of was the fact that Rose was unhappy because of something the Doctor had done, and this made her angry. _Nobody _had the right to make her daughter unhappy – not even Rose herself.  
"Rose, darling, tell me what happened. You'll feel better after telling someone."  
"Nothing happened, mum. I just don't want to travel with...in the TARDIS anymore." She noticed how Rose obviously tried to avoid saying "The Doctor".  
"Oh, come on, you'd never leave him under normal circumstances!"  
"Yeah, but the _normal circumstances _have changed a little bit since he told me that a human isn't good enough for him!"  
"He did _what_?" It was impossible. Jackie didn't like the Doctor in the beginning – which mother would have liked a man who just popped in her life, taken her only daughter with him to have dangerous adventures somewhere in space without even telling her? But even back then she'd have to admit that he truly cared for Rose. Now, with new face and the new personality of his she'd known right from the beginning that he loved Rose. And she'd known that Rose loved him although it'd taken her a long while to accept it. Whenever the two of them would visit her after the Doctors regeneration she had watched out for any sign that they'd finally become a couple. When there hadn't been anything at all she had started wondering how long they could continue this. From what Rose had just said it was pretty obvious that the Doctor had wondered too – and decided impatiently that he'd better take somebody else. But Jackie couldn't believe this. There had to be something she'd missed in this thing, and she was definitely going to find out what it was. Maybe she should have listen to Jack earlier this evening...well, he'd come back in the morning, so she would just ask him instead of Rose who looked stubbornly at the screen of her laptop. _I shall be damned if I allow that Rose works in a store again _was her thought when somebody knocked at the door.

_A/N: I know I told you guys that this chapter would be longer, but...I tried to let it end with a cliff-hanger. Yeah, I know, a cliff-hanger is a bit different from this, but, I mean, you don't know who is knocking, do you? It could be a psychopath with an axe. Or an evil alien with a dangerous sonic-gun. Or an evil alien-psychopath with a dangerous sonic-axe. Or...right, I'll stop here, I can't even convince myself. But next chapter will be longer, and this time I'm trying to keep this promise :D_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Alright, it's not a psychopath with an axe. Or an evil alien with...you know how this is going to end._

Jackie headed to the door. It was Jack – who held the Doctor in his arms. The Doctors bruised face was clearly in pain although he was unconscious. This arm didn't look healthy. _No _part of his body looked healthy.  
"I told you to slap him, not to beat him up! What the hell is wrong with you?"  
"Not me! Some guys have beaten him senseless."  
"Fate seems to be finally fair. Who makes my daughter cry deserves to be in this constitution." Jackies gaze was pitiless. Jack couldn't blame her, from her point of view was the Doctor the worst guy in the world at the moment. Yet he said:  
"No, he does not. You haven't heard the whole story, Jackie. May I come in?" Jackie let him pass and he put the Doctor on the sofa in the living room. He didn't fit in there. _Maybe it's better that he isn't able to talk _Jack found himself thinking, remembering the last time they'd been in the flat of the Tylers. The Doctor had had spotted a calculator and it had ended up in a lecture about maths and how humans were obviously not able to solve easy equations. After his monologue he'd went to the fridge, eaten all of the bananas without asking and then wondered why there wasn't a banana-grow-machine which he apparently had in the TARDIS. Jack had enjoyed watching how Jackie had kicked him out. Later in this day when he was allowed to come inside again the Doctor had been like a child who doesn't understand why it had been punished. He might be a genius, but he didn't seem to understand the human way of thinking at all. _But I'm not sure if I myself understand the way humans of the 21th century think right now. _  
"We should go and inform Rose" he muttered.  
"It's your turn. I will not explain this to my daughter. And I won't help this bloke either, he should be grateful he can sleep on my sofa." She left the room. Jack decided that the Doctor's life wasn't in danger right now and it was the best to let him sleep so he went for Roses bedroom to explain.

Rose lay on her bed staring at the wall when the door opened.  
"I'm alright, mum" she protested until she saw it wasn't her mother who had just entered. It was Jack, and he looked really, really concerned.  
"What's wrong?"  
"The Doctor. Sofa." was everything Jack had to say before she jumped out of the bed and ran inside the living room. There he was, on the sofa, badly injured and trembling in every limb. The trembling stopped when she stroked wisp of hair from his forehead – although still unconscious every muscle stiffened until she withdrew her hand. His body started shivering again.  
"Who did this to him?" she asked her voice full with panic.  
"Some men, I don't know them of course."  
"So...what shall we do now? We can't bring him to the hospital with the two hearts of his!"  
"I guess the best thing we can do at the moment is give him some painkillers and let him sleep. Where does Jackie have aspirin, in the bathroom?"  
"We can't give him aspirin, he's allergic."  
"Oh. – How allergic?" Rose glared at him.  
"What do you mean, _how _allergic? What kind of an answer do you expect me to give? _Oh, it's alright, he just faints a little bit before he gets those funny little cramps and stops_ breathing_, but that's okay, seriously, it could be worse? _– What in the bloody hell is wrong with you?!" She sounded just like her mother. They both had this angry, slightly creepy undertone when they were mad.  
"Calm down, it was a simple quest-"He paused when he saw her gaze. "Right, I'm sorry. No aspirin then. What else can we do?"  
"I don't know, _that's why I asked _you!" Fortunately Jackie burst in right when Rose gave the impression to slap him the next moment.  
"You two should yell a bit louder, I think some of your aliens on the moon have missed the message."  
"There aren't aliens on the moon, that'd be ridiculous" Jack muttered while Rose said at the same moment:  
"Mum, what do we do with an injured Timelord who cannot be in the hospital?"  
"Give him some painkillers first and wait 'til he wakes up to ask him so he can decide" Roses mum proposed. "I should have still some aspirin, Howard often has headaches."  
"He's allergic to aspirin, he can't have any without his body getting into serious trouble."  
"Yeah, Rose, even an idiot knows the definition of the word _allergic_." Jackie rolled her eyes while Jack avoided facing Rose. "Well..." Jackie continued. "No idea, sorry, hun." Jack dared to speak again.  
"Then I'd say we let him sleep 'cause while he's still out he won't feel the pain, right?" Rose looked not entirely happy with this solution, but she accepted it.  
"I'll make some tea" Roses mother murmured and left. Jack and Rose looked at each other and then at the same time at the Doctor.  
"I've never seen him sleeping" Jack commented. "I'm not even sure if he has a bed."  
"I have" Rose said quietly. "Last Christmas after he regenerated."  
"Wait, then why don't I remember this?"  
" 'Cause you'd just met this guy, Ianto...Jones, ya know. You just disappeared for two days, I still can't believe it" she explained.  
"Ah, right. Ianto. Nice guy. I wonder how he's doing...maybe I should phone him? – Okay, stop looking like that, I will not! - At least the Doctor was asleep so he has still no idea that I was gone." Rose started chuckling.  
"You didn't really believe this, did you? Of course he noticed, he wasn't sleeping the _whole time_. Oh, you should see your face." After a bit grumbling he joined in her laughing although it felt a bit wrong to laugh with the Doctor like that right in front of them.  
They must have had the same thought when they stopped laughing simultaneously.  
"He looks so young" Rose finally said in the silence. She was right, Jack thought. He'd never seen the Doctor looking so young and so _vulnerable_. It was heartbreaking.  
"Rose..." the Doctor suddenly whispered. Rose flinched.  
"You can hear us?"  
"He is dreaming" Jack said feeling uncomfortable.  
"Rose" the Doctor said again. "...love you..." Jack watched strangely satisfied how Rose stiffened.

_A/N: I know, I know, a cliché again, this time in the form of "saying 'I love you' while asleep", but it was the only way the Doctor would ever admit it. While fully awake he's never, ever showing his feelings to anyone, _especially _not to Rose. And he had to admit it 'cause it's important for the following story path :D (yep, this last sentence was just to make you guys curious)  
Oh, and Ianto Jones...those of you who've seen Torchwood (or who've paid attention at season 4) know who he is...I know he had this girlfriend called Lisa or something similar but I like the thought that he and Jack have met ('cause Torchwood in Cardiff doesn't exist if Jack travels still with the Doctor and Rose). Pretend that Lisa and Ianto have met a week after Jack and he...you know. Have had fun._


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: This chapter was really hard to write. I had no idea how to continue the story – although I should probably pretend that I have a master plan and everything – and when I talked with my brother and my friends about it and finally knew what I was going to do I had another problem: How detailed shall I describe the Doctors injuries? (I then decided that I'd spare the description for the next chapter) Sooo I hope this continuation will satisfy you._

She has to react to this. She can't ignore it

! – But it was quite ironic that the words the Doctor had to use in order to get the Rose to stay with him were spoken while he wasn't even aware of it. However, Rose couldn't run away now, could she?  
"Obviously he's having a nightmare" Rose said bitterly. Jack didn't get it. How could two people be that damn stubborn? How long did they plan to continue this game of run-away-from-their feelings? Well, if they were not going to end it, he would.  
"Believe me. He's not having a _nightmare_. I'd even bet it's quite a nice dream." Rose opened her mouth as to speak when they heard the still sleeping Doctor cough. He started to whimper.  
"Please, d-don't, p-please, it hurts, I'm begging y-you, please leave me alone, I'm s-s-sorry, you're right I d-deserve this, please..." The whimper grew into sobbing. It was terrible to see the Doctor so weak.  
"Okay, now he's having a nightmare" Jack admitted. Rose glared at him.  
"H-help me. Rose, p-please, help m-me..." She couldn't bear it anymore so she woke him, jogging his arm until his lids fluttered and he opened his eyes. For the first few seconds he didn't know where he was or who stood in front of him, he immediately raised his hands as expecting to get hit.  
"Doc, it's okay, you're safe, it's just Rose and me; nobody will hurt you here" Jack assured. The Doctor seemed to realise where he was. As fast as he'd raised his hands he put them down again, shaking his head in confusion.  
"Why are you staring at me like that?" Rose and Jack exchanged glances. They silently came to the agreement that they wouldn't inform him about his confession – the confession Rose didn't even want to acknowledge.  
"You've had a nightmare" the Captain slowly said.  
"We were concerned" Rose added.  
"Nah, no need to be concerned. I'm alright, I'm always al-"The sentence ended in a suppressed scream racked with pain. The Doctor had tried to run the fingers of his right hand through his already ruffled hair only to find out that his arm was broken.  
"Maybe you're not _always _alright" Jack said softly. There was puzzlement in the Doctors brown eyes.  
"How did this happen?" he asked, seeming truly surprised.  
"Don't you remember?" The Doctor obviously tried to recall the events. He finally shook his head.  
"Not at all. What _did _happen?"  
"Let's place this topic on hold, we have to patch you up first. Do you have any other pain despite your arm?"  
"Everything hurts" he answered bluntly. "I have to get to the TARDIS. There's a med bay, I'll be able to patch myself up." His trying to get up failed.  
"Doctor! Are you okay?" Rose immediately asked. The Doctors eyes widened. That reminded Jack off the Doctor's insecurity of how much Rose had actually heard right before she'd asked him to take her home. Jack himself was pretty sure that Rose hadn't heard anything at all, neither the Doctors confession about his feelings for her nor his angst about her rejecting him, let alone his clarification about his statement earlier which had made her thinking that the Doctor _didn't _love her. _There's no difference between humans and Timelords at all if it comes to feelings, both think way too much and way too complicated. _  
"As I said, I'm alright" the Doctor insisted. "You'll have to tell me how this happened, but I'm sure it was while I did something heroic, wasn't it?" There it was, this cheerful grin of his. It made Rose automatically smile.  
"It – yeah. Very heroic" she whispered. Jack took her hand. They had to tell the Doctor what really happened, and when his memories came back he'd have to deal with them. But not now.  
"Come on, let's get you to the TARDIS."

_A/N: If you've paid attention you have eventually noticed that the Doctor raises his arm after waking up and _doesn't _notice that his arm is broken. I thought about cutting this scene out but I also wanted to let it in. Then this genius idea came in my mind: He doesn't notice it in the first place 'cause it's his instinct and he's still in shock. Convincing, right? Right? *hopes for agreement* _


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I actually don't like to complain about "how difficult this one was to write", yet I'll do it again. Because it _was _hard to write. Maybe it's my own incapability of empathizing with somebody whose heart is broken and everything, but I just can't write a chapter from Rose' point of view. I tried, because this story is in the first place about our dear Timelord and her. But I somehow just don't get Rose. I really like her, but I simply can't imagine what she'd think in several situations. How she'd act – yeah, no problem. What's meanwhile going on in her mind – no idea. I am obviously not able to avoid that she sounds like a whiny teenage girl. Yet I tried. You'll find the result in this chapter...which has a huge part of dialogs in it. Oh, damned, I just don't get her. _

It took them half an hour to reach the TARDIS – normally it'd taken them less than 5 minutes. The Doctors legs weren't broken – they'd checked that already – but walking still caused him trouble. It wasn't like there were anything wrong with them, they just didn't seem to support him. Almost every time he tried to take more than a few steps he'd fell to the ground. Jack had offered to carry him again but the Doctor had refused. Rose could understand his unwillingness of accepting help – he didn't want to feel weak. The only problem was that in fact the Doctor _was_ weak at the moment and he _needed _help. After Rose had snarled at him he'd finally agreed to get _a little bit_ help with the walking. He'd positioned his healthy arm around Jacks neck – Jack was the only one who could actually help in this case because both Rose and her mum were to small – and placed his left feet on Jacks right, so the Captain could support him. Rose and Jackie had followed, watching how every now and then the Doctor would pause and try to not lose balance. Entering the TARDIS Rose sighed in relief. They'd made it. Of course they hadn't been followed by someone and Doctor wouldn't die any moment. Still she'd been worried about the Doctor fainting on the way or suddenly remembering or some bad guys coming their way. Here, in the TARDIS, nothing could happen. _You mean, nothing can happen to __**the Doctor**__, that's all you care about_ the part of her brain she tried to ignore right now told her. _Shut up _Rose told herself, wondering in the same moment if it was weird to have actual discussions in her head with nobody else involved. Yep, it definitely was weird.  
"So, where is this med bay?" she asked. The three of them stood in the middle of the TARDIS control room, the room she'd thought she'd never enter again, and the Doctors head drooped on his chest. He didn't respond. "Doctor?" She knew she was becoming a bit of paranoiac. Well, at least Jack was paranoiac, too. He checked the Doctor pulse.  
"He's breathing, just asleep" he told her. "Exhausted, probably. I guess we'll have to find the med bay by ourselves."  
_You found him_. Rose barely suppressed a shriek.  
"Jack" she said slowly. "There's a voice in my head." He didn't seem as surprised as she had expected him to be.  
"I know. It's in my head, too. Don't worry, it's the TARDIS."  
"The TARDIS" she repeated, unable to understand what her friend had just explained.  
_The handsome man is right. It's me. _She couldn't help it but chuckle.  
"He's the handsome man, who am I then?"  
_The yellow girl _was the automatically response.  
"Jack, the TARDIS is making fun of me" Rose complained.  
"Too bad I can't hear it. Apparently she's only speaking to you now."  
"Oh. Why?" It felt a bit odd, talking to someone you can't actually see. Even more odd than the self-talk from before.  
"Ask her yourself" Jack simply said. "In the meantime I'll try my best to find the med bay."  
_I talked to him before. I told him to find the Doctor. Now I need to talk to you. _  
"Is this a compliment or a threat?" she murmured more to herself than to the ship.  
_It's a fact. – I'm surprised it's so easy to talk to you telepathically. The handsome tried to let me fully iside his mind, but no matter how hard he tried, his psychic guards just wouldn't let me longer in than necessary. I could have forced him, but... _The TARDIS didn't have to end the sentence to make Rose understand.  
"Right. Okay. – What about _my_ psychic guards?"  
_You don't have any_. Only two persons could make this simple fact sounding like an insult – if you considered the TARDIS as a person. The other one was the Doctor. Rose now saw from where he had this attitude.  
"Thank you very much."  
_That wasn't a compliment. _  
"No sarcasm then" she muttered under her breath. "Anyway, what is it you want to talk about?"  
_The Doctor. He can't remember what happened. _  
"I noticed too."  
_You mustn't tell him! He can't remember because his mind couldn't bear it. If you told him now, he'd...break, in a way.  
_"I don't want to sound insulting or anything, but...the Doctor has suffered before. Much more than simply getting beaten up. Why would _this _break him, but not...I don't know, that he killed his race, maybe?"  
_He thinks he deserves this. He thought that he'd deserve punishment before, but he also believed that if he'd save as many lives as possible he eventually could compensate the guilt. Well, not compensate, but...make it less heavy. Those men hurt him without motives and just for fun, but the Doctor can't accept it. Someone who enjoys hurting people just for fun doesn't fit in his way of thinking. Another factor is that the men who hurt him were human, not some monster which kills people. He eventually could accept _that_. But a human who wasn't even a psychopath or murderer, just a normal human? No. It _has _to have a reason, he thinks. Maybe their whole purpose of living is to punish him, like some kind of prophecy. So if he'd remember – and he would if you told him, the memories aren't buried deep in his subconscious but swim near the surface – he wouldn't let you help him. He'd just go to someone who _can punish him properly_. Because otherwise he couldn't bear the thought of running away from his _appropriate _punishment. That's why I hid this particular memory from himself while he was unconscious. _  
"That's...wow." Rose couldn't really express in words how she felt after hearing that. She hadn't known that the Doctor was emotionally that instable. If she had...  
_It's your fault, too. _Oh, right. _Of course _it was her fault.  
"I think I'd remember if I'd beaten him up lately."  
_You rejected him. You left him. _That was so completely unfair Rose had no words.  
"I...I didn't...I'd never..._He _rejected me! Why should I stay if he doesn't want me to stay?!" She didn't want to sound like a 5 year old whiny girl, yet she had the feeling that she did.  
_You didn't listen properly to him. You left without thinking, so he thought you didn't love him. __His constant fear of being abandoned became true._That's why he wandered around in your neighbourhood and that's why his mind wasn't in its normal state while they hurt him. So yes, it's your fault, too. She didn't know how to respond to this. Luckily she didn't have to, because the TARDIS told her in the next second before breaking the psychic link: _Go to the med bay. He needs you. _

_A/N: A detailed description of the Doctor's injuries will come with the next chapter. You'll also get a bit more of the Doctor - for this being a fanfiction about the tenth Doctor he was barely in it up until now. I'll try to make good for it in the next few chapters.  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: This update took me a bit longer because the chapter was already done, but when I wanted to upload it I reread it and realised I really hated what I'd written so I had to rewrite it. The other variant would have been "darker" and more depressing, and maybe the fans of Doctor!Whump would have enjoyed it more, but...this one felt just "right".  
One last thing: I had trouble to find any information about the med bay. After I finally found a website which _has_ information about it, the information wasn't exactly helpfully, so I had to make the most of things up. The med bay in its current state in this fanfiction is mostly my imagination and (probably wrong) interpretation of the given information now._

Jack had left Rose alone – though she wasn't _really _alone while talking to the TARDIS, of course – and now dragged the Doctor through the corridors, opening every door just to find anything – most of the time weird and sometimes disturbing things – but the med bay. The ship made no move to help him and the Doctor was still unconscious and didn't react to Jacks "Wake up" calls, so he was on his own. After passing the fourth or fifth corridor without finding what he was looking for Jack stopped, dropped the Doctor as carefully as possible on the ground and took a deep breath before slapping the Timelord. The Doctor opened his eyes immediately. Jack noticed he had started trembling again and regretted already what he'd done.  
"Sorry, Doc, but I need your help. Where's the med bay?"  
"I've lived in here for centuries, but I have no idea where we are. Congratulations, Jack. This might be the first time I am disoriented in my own ship" the Doctor answered after looking over his surroundings.  
"But you've got a sonic way-finder or something like that, right?"  
"Pff, that'd be _ridiculous_! I've got a good, old-fashioned map." He searched in the pockets of his suit. "You know, Jack, not all of us are as messy as you. There exist people who always put their things on the same place so they always know where these things are. I'm one of those people."  
"The map is inside your coat" Jack guessed.  
"That's unfair! I'm well-organised and...Yep, it's inside my coat" the Doctor admitted.  
"We've got a problem then."  
"Depends on your point of view. Yes, we don't know where we are which is admittedly not so good because the TARDIS is basically endless. Yes, we could die in here and nobody would ever find out. But there are good sides, too." He paused.  
"For example?" Jack asked curiously. The Doctor looked slightly annoyed.  
"Okay, there aren't good sides! Why couldn't you just be happy with _There are good sides _instead of asking _which good sides?_" Before he was able to speak further the Doctor fell into a fit of coughing. He watched concerned how the coughing wouldn't stop, and as it _did _stopped, the Doctor breathed very shallow.  
"It hurts...even breathing hurts now. I think I broke one or two rips, and I'm not feeling well enough to walk. Sorry to say this, but for me this is the worst time you could've get lost, Jack."  
"Can't you tell the TARDIS to just put the med bay behind the next door? I mean, she _is_ able to do this."  
"I'm trying already, but she ignores me."  
"Then maybe she'll respond when her chat with Rose is over."  
"The TARDIS is talking to Rose?!" Though it probably hurt the Doctor raised his voice.  
"Why does this fact surprise you? She spoke to me too."  
"It's not the fact that they're talking, it's...well, Rose is still here."  
"Of course she is! What did you think she'd be doing? Going home and drinking tea while you are badly injured?" It should have been a joke, but he'd hit the nail right on the head, Jack realised.  
"As soon as we treated your injuries properly I'm going to force the two of you to have a serious talk, you can be damn sure of that! – Hey, what is it?" The Doctor had closed his eyes. Now he opened them again, grinning.  
"The TARDIS just told me the med bay lays now right behind this door. Oh, and I shall tell you that you're an idiot. It looks like we, uhm, went round in a circle. The consol room is right behind this corner there."  
"Wait, you should have recognized it then. Doesn't the TARDIS have anything to say to this?" The Doctor blushed slightly.  
"She says I'm an idiot as well" he muttered. Jack laughed.  
"Is she done with Rose?"  
"No, but she can talk to two – or more – people at the same time." His left hand petted the wall of the TARDIS slightly and he looked very proud of his ship.  
"Okay. Great. Let's get you to the med bay now. Are you able to get up?"  
"Sure I am!" The Timelord didn't move. "Maybe I'm not" he said ruefully. Jack helped him, and one minute later they entered the med bay.

"What do we do now?" Jack asked after helping to get the Doctor on the stretcher. There was sweat on the Doctors forehead and he breathed even shallower than before.  
"The ADT" the Doctor said exhausted.  
"The what?"  
"ADT. Advanced Diagnostic Terminal. It's Timelord technology . You have to scan the injuries like cuts and bruises. Once scanned my wounds will heal within minutes."  
"What about broken bones?"  
"Not...exactly."  
"What does _not exactly _mean?"  
"Here we go again...can't you just leave it for once?" The Doctor smiled weakly. "Not exactly means _not at all_, but I tried to lighten the mood. – You'll have to take an X-ray of my arm...and maybe my rips...the rest depends on which kind of fracture it is."  
"The Doctor needs a doctor – I always wanted to say this. Okay, anyway, I'd say we do the X-ray first, shall we?" He didn't wait for an answer. It wasn't like the Doctor had a choice.

"Okay, from what I can see...it looks like your arm is broken."  
"You're holding the X-ray the wrong way around – is this even the X-ray of my arm? Because it looks like, you know, like the radiograph of my rips."  
"You keep thinking everyone around you who isn't as clever as you are is thick, but that's not true at all. I'm in fact as smart as good-looking, and that means a lot."  
"Is it the right X-ray, then?" Jack sighed, shook his head and handed the Doctor grumbling the two images. The Doctor studied them for a while.  
"I've got a problem. My Timelord biology is able to heal broken bones much faster than humans would heal. This means my arm has already begun to heal."  
"But that's good, isn't it?"  
"Not really. It's an unusual break and it the risk it doesn't heal properly is pretty high. Normally I'd put a cast on my arm and check it later again. But now without a cast the bone began to heal _wrong_. So...I have to re-break it. Well, actually it's you who has to re-break it."  
"It's not a real problem, right? We'll dru- uh, give you anaesthetic, I re-break the bone, put it in a cast, you wake up and everything's fine."  
"Seriously, I'm gone for two minutes and you propose to poison the Doctor?" They all turned around and saw Rose standing in the door.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I didn't watch Classic Who, but I informed myself about the Doctors family or at least I tried. From everything I found I can say that there are in fact many theories and possibilities about his parents but most of the information given from the show contradicts itself. Personally I like the idea that the Doctors mother is human and he is actually half human (if you want to know what I'm talking about just google "Penelope Gate") so...well, read it and you'll see why I wrote this :D _

"How often do I have to say this? No. Painkillers." The Doctor watched narrowly as Rose traversed the room until she stood aside Jack. He wanted to hug her. He wanted to thank her for still being here. He wanted to say those three words he'd struggled to say aloud ever since he could remember. But he never would. It was good that it had ended this way. As soon as Rose would stop feeling responsible for him, she could finally live her own life. And that was _good_. If he kept telling himself this eventually it would convince him one day.  
"You said _no aspirin_" Jack clarified.  
"Well, I meant _no painkillers_." The Captain looked at the Doctor who shook his head.  
"I'm just allergic to aspirin. Even if I were allergic to painkillers – they're not the same as narcotics. One stops the pain, the other one shall avoid pain in the first place."  
"Alright, Mister smart-aleck" Rose muttered under her breath.  
"Still I can't take narcotics at the moment. You remember the superior biology I mentioned? Yes, bones heal faster. But in return I can't take any medication now, or my body would react in the same way it does when I take aspirin." The Doctor didn't notice that Rose jumped when he talked about his _superior biology_. Jack did, and it bugged him.  
"Wait a minute. Doctor, does this mean I'll have to re-break your arm while you are full conscious?"  
"Yep." He wasn't as careless as he – hopefully – pretended to be. In fact he was quite afraid of it. The Doctor didn't like pain, and his arm ached already like hell. But it had to be done before it could get worse. So he grinned and said: "Don't think too much about it, Jack. Just do it."  
"But it will hurt, right?" said Rose, sounding as if her concern were real and not just a forced feeling of responsibility for him. If he closed his eyes and blocked everything else out he could almost believe it.  
"It will hurt, but don't worry, I'm a Timelord, I can cut out the pain." Or at least he could pretend to do such a thing in order to calm his friends down. – Of course he _could_ cut out the pain if he were a real, _proper _Timelord. But he wasn't going to inform Jack and Rose about the fact that he'd just lied, that basically his whole existence was a lie. Everything he had to do now was avoiding to scream when Jack would fix his arm.  
"Okay, if you say so, Doc" the Captain interrupted his frustrating thoughts. "You do this...Timelord thing while I re-break your bone. Ready?" He wasn't ready, yet he nodded. Jack took a deep breath before sitting down aside the Doctor on the stretcher, placing the Doctors arm cautious aslant his own leg and then leading Roses hand to the Doctors. Both Rose and the Doctor cringed the moment as their hands came in touch.  
"Is this...necessary?" His voice was quavering.  
"You'll be thankful if you have something to cling on when I break your arm again" Jack promised. The Doctor assumed the Captain was right; and he wanted nothing more than holding Roses hand – well, actually he did want to do more than just holding her hand but this was out of the question – but he also didn't want to embarrass Rose.  
"I'm sorry, we don't...have to do this." Usually he wasn't that unconfident – he was in fact the opposite of _unconfident_ – but the past hours seemed to have affected his self-awareness in Roses presence. Rose looked like she was thinking. Ten, maybe fifteen seconds passed. She finally crossed her fingers tightly with his and leaned forward so she could whisper into the Doctors ear:  
"Whatever might happen, I am there for you. I'll always be." He didn't say anything, but he clung to her even more tightly. Jack smiled silently.  
"Uh, Jack, one question: Have you done this before?" Rose asked nervously.  
"There's a first time for everything" the Captain answered light-hearted and got ready.  
The next moment they heard a gruesome snap like a breaking branch. Another second later a flash of excruciating pain made the Doctor whimper and squirm. _I'm a Timelord _he tried to assure himself. _Timelords never show that they're in agony.  
_"But it doesn't matter for me, I'm not one of them" he sobbed as if he wanted to defend himself. If he hadn't been in such pain he'd be afraid his friends could hear him, but now for the first time in a long while he allowed himself to concentrate only on himself. – Still this didn't hold on long. After the first shock he calmed down and was now again able to concentrate on his surroundings. Jack and Rose looked very, very concerned, and Jack looked a bit guilty, too. The Doctor noticed as well that Rose hadn't removed her hand.  
"Sorry, Doc. I didn't think it would hurt that much."  
"It's alright, it wasn't that painful" he lied. Rose frowned.  
"It sounded very painful."  
"It actually sounded like someone would torture you" Jack added. "Admittedly I don't really have notion of Timelord biology, but this thing you were talking about earlier – it didn't seemed to work the way it should."  
"Of course it didn't work" the Doctor said drained. He could hardly keep his eyes from sinking by now. His arm still hurt, breathing still hurt, his entire body still hurt, yet he was so tired he just wanted to sleep. He barely noticed as Jack put his arm in a cast, everything was fading in a heavy fog.  
"Why _of course_?" Rose inquired softly  
He didn't respond, just let the fog absorb him completely.

_A/N: Just in case you wondered why the Doctor falls suddenly asleep within the last lines: I'm quite proud that this isn't just something I made up so he can introduce the further plot (well, it is, but that's not the point) but an event which actually makes sense and will be explained in the next chapter.  
_


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: If you've read the 7**__**th**__** chapter before I published this chapter you should go and read it again because I changed something. Well, I didn't change something, in fact I added just one line, and I don't tell you this because I want to waste your time but because this line is going to be important. It's during the conversation between Rose and the TARDIS, right after "You left without thinking (...), it's almost at the end.**_

_"-fainted again! That's not normal, is it? We have to do something...there has to be some cure..." _

"_I'd say we wait 'til he wakes up himself."_

_(Silence)_

"_By the way, what did the TARDIS want?" _

"_We talked...about him." _

"_I figured that. So...anything in particular?" _

"_She blames me for what happened to him."_

"_But...why? It's no one's fault, he was just at the wrong place at the wrong time!"_

"_Apparently he is emotionally not as stable as we thought. He's always feared to being abandoned. And then I left...and you left too, though she didn't blame you, of course...and the TARDIS says that it's kinda my fault that he...you know."_

"_It's not your fault! Even if it was – which isn't the case – it wouldn't matter, he'll recover soon. He will tell you exactly this when he wakes up and we tell him what happened."_

"_No! We can't do that! We cannot tell him!"_

"_Why?"_

_(Silence)_

"_You see, I understand that you think it's too private or whatever, but I have the right to know why I can't tell my friend what caused all these injuries!"_

"_No...It's just that...look, Jack." _

"_Oh, damned! – How long were you listening?"_

The Doctor blinked a few times.  
"Hm? Did you say something?" Neither Rose nor Jack looked convinced. "I was asleep until you woke me up just now" he tried it again.  
"Do you believe him, Jack?" Rose asked after a few seconds of silence.  
"Not a single word. How long, Doc?"  
"Almost since the beginning. - The TARDIS tried to force me to sleep but I fought it" he exclaimed happily.  
"Did it never occur to you that the TARDIS might have a reason?" Jack asked, frowning. "That you might need the sleep?"  
"Don't be ridiculous. Timelords don't need to sleep."  
"Just about 5 Minutes ago you said that Timelords can cut out the pain, and we saw how this worked. Would you please stop lying?" The Doctor winced, his hearts started beating faster. _He can't have found out. It's impossible. – But what if he did? _Then it crossed his mind that Jack probably didn't mean what he thought he meant, that he'd probably referred to his lie about the sleeping. This was a real lie at least, not like his factoid about the ability of the Timelords to block out pain. Because they could. It was just so that he couldn't. – He had been silent too long. He had to respond now before their concern grew.  
"Then maybe you two should stop lying too. You don't want to tell me what happened, why is that so? What's the problem with me knowing why I can't move without pain? Because I really want to know by now!" Attack was always the best form of defence. Still, as he saw Roses sad, slightly pitiful gaze he started to doubt this proverb. Maybe one should change it in _Attack is always the best form of defence, unless you attack your friends, then it's just thick and isn't going to make anyone happy.  
_"I'm sorry" Rose said. "But I can't let you know." She finally removed her hand from his and left the med bay. _Please stay, I'm sorry for yelling at you, just don't leave me again. _That's what he wanted to say, what he _should _have said. But he remained silent.  
"Where are you going?" Jack cat-called at her.  
"Outside" she responded without turning around. The door snapped shut and the Doctor and Jack were alone again.

_From all people in the whole wide universe I had to pick you two for my best friends. Hell of a lucky guy I am. _If he wasn't injured Jack would have slapped the Timelord.  
"Don't you think that you should tell her _that you didn't fuckin' mean it when you said you wouldn't fit together because she's human_?" he yelled, unable to suppress his anger anymore. The Doctor stayed calm. Of course he did. What did it take to get this man to show his emotions? Would he have to break his arm a third time just to see him one more time losing his self-control? Jack had a feeling that otherwise he wouldn't see it before the universe would explode.  
"If she didn't listen to our talk in the TARDIS last evening than she doesn't know that I lo – what I feel for her. And this is good." Either he was dumb or the Doctors point really made no sense. Leaving aside the fact that Rose already knew and just didn't want to accept it, of course.  
"To be honest, I can' exactly see why this is good" he said slowly, trying to stop himself from yelling again.  
"It's good because this way I'll not lose my dignity. If I told her my feelings now and she rejected me – and she would definitely do that – I – little coward that I am – would still beg her to stay. And then she would stay but she would know that I...she would know my feelings and she could never look at me the way she does now, she'd see me as someone who isn't her equal anymore but someone who is less worth than her...it's true, of course, but selfish me don't want her to realise this...But if I don't tell her my feelings she won't even stay in the first place and this is also good because it's better for her, she deserves so much more than me...So it _is _good that she wasn't listening...but Jack...why does it still feel like I have a hole in my chest whenever she turns her back on me?" It had been hard for Jack to follow the Doctors chaotic statements, especially when they became faster and shakier in the end. Now the Doctor looked like he was going to burst into tears every moment. And for god's sake, he had no idea what to say now. _  
_

**_A/N: I'd be really glad if you'd write a review so I have feedback and know what I can do better the next time. _**


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: My heart broke over and over again while writing the first part of this chapter. I don't have anything else to say.  
_  
Where should he start with telling his friend how stupid his little speech was? His friend, who seemed to having an emotional breakdown if he didn't hear what he needed to hear. _And Rose is most likely the only person who can tell him what he needs to hear. _But this didn't mean he couldn't try it at least.  
Jack cautiously placed his hand on the shoulder of the Doctor. The Doctor faced him, looking so sad and lonely he couldn't stand it.  
"You are not selfish, you are not a coward, and you are definitely not less worth than any other living thing. All this describes me perfectly – my former self before I met you. I mean, I was still awesome, sure, but you made me _better_. It's just what you do to people, and this is wonderful."  
"I don't make them better, I kill them. Madame de Pompadour-"  
"- died at the exact date she should on the exact way she should. It had nothing to do with you."  
"Lynda; and so many others on this day..."  
"The Daleks killed them, not you!" The Doctor continued speaking in this hollow voice, ignoring Jacks protests.  
"And you. I killed you, too. Do you know what it is like to see someone day after day, someone who would have died because of you if your friend wouldn't have saved him? What if Rose hadn't been there? So many people would have died, and I wasn't able to save any of them...sometimes I wonder why it had to be Me. Why did I have to be the only survivor of the Time War? Why is it me who has to carry the burden of sentence his own race to death? There were Timelords who were much better persons than I am, and they were pure..." He interrupted himself at the last second and looked even unhappier now.  
"Doctor. Look at me. My death wasn't your fault. Lynda's death wasn't your fault. None of those deaths that day were your fault. And the Time War wasn't your fault either. You might have sacrificed your race, but you had to, in the alternative time itself would have been destroyed. Don't blame yourself for something _that wasn't your fault at all_! – And now about Rose. I have no right to tell you about her feelings, but I can say this: If you told her how you feel the last thing she'd think would be that you're less worth now." Was it Jacks imagination or were the sorrowful eyes of the Doctor a little brighter now? "Are you tired?" The abrupt change of subject confused the Doctor obviously. He nodded.  
"Great. I suggest I help you and we go to your bedroom." The Doctor smiled a little, not his usually cheerful smile, but it was a start.  
"Is this an invitation?" Jack returned the grin.  
"If you want it to be."  
"Stop it." They both laughed when the Doctor said the words he always said when Jack started flirting with anybody in his presence. Then they got back to serious, and the Doctor murmured:  
"I can't sleep now."  
"Why not?"  
"The nightmares will return." The Doctor shuddered.  
"A few hours ago you when you woke up you said you wouldn't remember anything."  
"I said I wouldn't remember how I got hurt – I won't give up at this topic so soon -, but I didn't say that I wouldn't remember my nightmare. Well, I don't remember the details, but I know what it felt like. It's every night the same, and...I'm not exactly looking forward to face it again in the near future." If he'd need any other proof that the Doctor wasn't himself at the moment this would have been it. Normally the Doctor would have rather sold his favourite brown suit than admitting that he had nightmares.  
"I'm sorry, but you have to, it's important for the healing process. I'll even leave you a choice: Either you do what I say freely or I'll drug you so you'll fall asleep."  
"If this is supposed to be advances it fails terrible."  
"Seriously, you need sleep. The TARDIS knows that, too."  
"I know...she's trying her very best to make me tired ever since I woke up. She won't stop even if I tell her to. She doesn't care if I'm afraid to sleep..." The shuddering strengthened.  
"Oh, boy" Jack muttered. "I'm sure she cares, but she knows that you _need _to sleep." When exactly had it started becoming normal to speak about a spaceship as if it was a real person?  
He studied the Doctors unhappy face once more. An idea crossed his mind.  
"Wait here for a few minutes, I'll return soon. Don't move, alright?"  
"I am not able to move and you know that" the Doctor reminded him sullenly.  
"Even better then. See you in a bit!"

Rose hadn't left the TARDIS in case the Doctor needed her; she sat on the seat in front of the console in the control room. She just needed a minute by herself, time to think about the past few hours and events. While asleep the Doctor had said that he loved her. Jack seemed to think the Doctor meant it, but she wasn't convinced. People said and did weird things they'd regret the next morning when they were sleeping.  
"Are you sulking?" She boggled when hearing Jacks voice.  
"I'm not, it's...it's just...right, I'm sulking. – How is he?"  
"From what I could observe after you left? Still in pain which was expectable. Also as much sulking as you are because we know something and won't tell him. – though I still don't know why I shouldn't inform him - He's also behaving like an idiot, but then again: When is he not?"  
"When you say _behaving like an idiot_, you mean...?"  
"Blames himself for things that weren't his fault, not believing the obvious fact that the person he's in love with loves him back...Oh, wait, this description applies to two persons. Funny, isn't it?"  
"I'm not seven years anymore and I'm not going into this argument again! – What aren't ya telling me? I know there's something more."  
"He withholds something. No idea what it is, but I'll definitely find out. So, anyway, would you please tell me why he can't know what happened?" After making sure that the Doctor was not listening Rose silently told him what the TARDIS had said. She didn't tell him everything because she wasn't sure if the Doctor would want her to. Jack probably noticed but he didn't ask. Instead he said, after agreeing that he would keep silent about the events:  
"Whether you want to be near him or not, you should go to the med bay. He's tired, but he doesn't wana sleep. He doesn't listen to me, but I thought maybe you could convince him." She frowned.  
"Why won't he sleep if he's tired?" According to Jack's gaze he'd hoped she wouldn't ask.  
"He says he's afraid of nightmares." It sounded absurd, a grown man afraid of nightmares. But considering the fact that the Doctor had seen so much more than normal people could ever dream of and suffered so much more than normal people could ever fear for...He was absolutely entitled to have bad dreams. And at least this night he wouldn't suffer alone.  
"I'll go check on him." She got up and went right to the med bay. _He will not suffer alone_ she thought again before opening the door.

_A/N: Did I ever mention that I hate to write from Rose' point of view? – What was that? I did mention it? Oh...sorry guys, I just need to say it again: I hate it, I'm not good at it, but sometimes I have to...and I'm sorry if it sucks.  
The next chapter will take me a while because...you know...stuff that happens in life...so please be patient, I'll try to update soon but I'm not sure if there'll come a new chapter in the next two weeks. Until then – have a nice time __ (and if you'd use some of this time to leave me a review I wouldn't complain...no pressure here :D )  
_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Ah, I've missed you guys. Two weeks without writing was literally the worst thing which could have happened to me. But I'm back, and I've brought a brand-new chapter with me, and guess what – there is finally some serious talking in it. Excited? Yeah, so am I._

The Doctor didn't look up as someone entered the room. It had been 6 minutes and 37 seconds since Jack had left. He wondered what the Captain had been doing.  
"You can't sleep?" His hearts skipped a beat. Rose stood in front of him. Her comment meant that Jack had told her.  
"Oh, well, I could, but I'm not tired." Hopefully Jack hadn't had mention the nightmares. During the time Jack wasn't around he'd had enough time to think and regret that he'd admitted having nightmares.  
"Yes you are, don't deny it! – Uhm, is there...a reason why you don't want to sleep?" Every course in every language he spoke – including one in which cursing was literally the whole content – wouldn't have been enough to express his feelings about Jack right now. It also made him fear what Jack might have also told Rose.  
But Rose didn't want to admit that Jack had blabbed? Fine.  
"Nah, no reason, why do you ask?" She blinked and murmured:  
"No reason."  
"Well then." The Doctor smiled. Then he counted silently the seconds it took Rose to think about her next sentence. _7, 8, 9...  
_"What about your nightmares?" she blurted out.  
"Hm? Nightmares? I've no idea what you're talking about." Rose frowned, then sat down beside him.  
"Let's play a game. It's called _What if...? _ as in _What if you'd have nightmares? _Sounds fun, right?"  
"It does not. It sounds like you come up with some dumb game you just made up in order to get me to admi- you know what? Never mind!"  
"Great. It's my turn first. What if you'd have nightmares? What would they be about?"  
"That's easy – Jackie Tyler in the TARDIS, all alone. I just can't bear the thought of her touching anything here."  
"Oi, that's my mum you're talking about!"  
"Doesn't change a thing" he muttered. "But it's my turn now, is it? So..."  
"Hang on, you haven't answered the question yet."  
"Yes I have! Just about 10 seconds ago!"  
"Oh, did I forget to tell you? The first rule in this game is: You have to answer honestly."  
"Is there a second rule?"  
"Well, no, but..."  
"Then why do you say _the first rule_ if there is only one rule?"  
"Don't start a hare, just answer it." The Doctor considered his possible answers and came finally to the conclusion that there was no real way to avoid this.  
"If I would have nightmares – and I don't have any, but if I would...they wouldn't be about some scary monsters... but be about me. All the mistakes I've made...and..." He struggled to end the sentence. Rose remained silent, waiting until he was ready to tell her the rest.  
"And about the Timelords punishing me for all my actions" he finished, unable to suppress a shiver. Before Rose could say anything he quickly changed the subject. "My turn. What if you told me where I got these injuries from? What would happen then?" The answer came without hesitation.  
"You'd get hurt. And I won't let this happen." Without actually wanting it the Doctor started to grin. _She doesn't want me to get hurt. Maybe it's not that hopeless after all. Maybe we can still fix this. _"It's my go. If you would have nightmares...how long since?" This time the Doctor just answered bluntly.  
"Since my last incarnation, although it's gotten worse since I've regenerated this time." He could ask a question again, and after her last answer he really had something he wanted to know. He just had to phrase it properly.  
"What if...you'd say something and it doesn't sound the way it should because you actually meant something completely different, and then there's this person who takes you serious and is mad at you...what would you do?"  
"Well, I'd talk to this person and resolve the misunderstanding, of course."  
"But what if-"  
"Sht, you've had your question – which was a bit wasted by the way, you could have asked me anything and you chose something with an obvious answer. Still, my turn again. What if you'd have nightmares, how often would they appear?"  
"Since the last regeneration? Every night." He hadn't meant to say it this frankly and Rose obviously hadn't expected such an honest answer either, judging from her surprised gasp. It was better to ask the next question now instead of giving her the chance to react to this. And again he had a question demanding an answer he really wanted to know. "What if you'd be friends with somebody and suddenly this guy says he's in lo- has feelings for you but you only like him as a friend – would you say his confession would destroy your friendship?" Rose merely shrugged.  
"Yeah, sure. It has happened to me before, even more than once. Every friendshop broke. You get used to it. So...last question now. What if you'd have nightmares every night and you'd endure them alone and would finally become too afraid to go to sleep? Do you think it would help if there were someone with you, who'd stay by your side during night so you wouldn't be alone?" Did she actually suggest to stay with him this night? The Doctor knew he should decline her offer, but it hurt so much and he really didn't want to be alone. _For once, give me the strength to be selfish _he thought.  
"It...I mean...Yes, it would help." Her smile made him brave enough to ask his last question. Up to this point everything had made him hope the game wasn't lost. He knew it dependet on her next answer if he'd be altruistic and would do the right thing after this night – letting her go so she wouldn't be stuck with him for the rest of her life – or if he'd be once again selfish and ask her – no, beg her – if she'd come back to him.  
"What if you'd want a pet, and there were those lovely two puppies. They are both equally adorable and cute, but one puppy is purebred and there are other puppies from the same litter while the other puppy is not thouroughbred and has also killed his littermates. Which one would you take home?" Rose looked at him as if he'd grown another head.  
"I'd take the puppy which isn't a murderer, of course. I mean, who'd take the other one?" The disappointment hit him more than a stab with a knife would have.  
"Right" he said quietly. "Who'd take the other one?"

_A/N: Riiight, I'm sorry, the promised serious talk was probably not what you had expected. But I have a really good argument why Rose and the Doctor couldn't just sit down and talk about their problems like normal people would do: They are Rose and The Doctor. When would they ever _talk? _They were literally begging me to turn the planned serious conversation into a slightly childish and embarrissing (for the author) game. So keep this in mind before you blame me, alright? :D _


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: When I started this story I honestly didn't plan to make it this icky-sweet (maybe you don't think it's icky, but I do). I also didn't plan to make so much plot. I've originally planned it as an Oneshot, and when I noticed it wouldn't work I thought "Three, four, at the utmost five chapters". Now we are at the 13__th__ chapter, and there is still no end in sight. (Just in case you were wondering why this takes me so long: I struggle with writing "serious talk", you know, where in the end the problem is actually solved. So it was probably not the best idea to start a fanfiction which requires exactly this.) _

The Doctors bedroom wasn't what Rose had expected. Actually she hadn't expected anything in particular, but certainly not this – although by now she didn't know why it surprised her, it suited the Doctor somehow. His bedroom was big and windowless and a total mess.  
Despite the gigantic bed there were a few armchairs which didn't really fit together and which seemed to come from different centuries. On the wooden floor were a lot of bits and pieces, amongst other things Rose noticed a dictionary Klingon – English (which proofed firstly that the TARDIS couldn't translate made-up languages and secondly that the Doctor was weirder than she'd thought), a Rubik's cube and a thing looking a bit like a mix of a tape recorder and an old-fashioned telephone. The ruby-coloured walls were almost invisible under the thousands sheets of paper which were pinned on them. There were pages obviously torn out from several books, pages of careless, poor handwriting, a few photos, and many, many sketches. The sketches seemed to show everything: Panorama, animals, buildings, strange creatures, and impressive realistic people. She hadn't known that the Doctor could draw, but maybe it was just this incarnation of him which was that talented. Not that this would make it less worth.  
Rose recognized some of the drawn people, they had met them during their journeys, but of course she didn't know most of them, and she wondered what their stories might be, in which connection they stood to the Doctor. There were also drawings of Jack and even Mickey and Jackie. But, and this hurt her more than she'd admit in front of anyone: There was no sketch of herself. _Why? _She thought, strangely sad. Was she not even worth enough to be drawn? The beautiful drawn portrait of Madame de Pompadour didn't help. Rose was once more reminded of her own incapability at the sight of the woman who had managed to make the Doctor falling in love with her within hours, not just because of her beauty but also because of her kindness, her courage and her intelligence. But before she could think about this further Rose drew her attention back to the Timelord who lay by now in the bed. He had actually managed to get from the med bay into his bedroom without help – partly because the TARDIS had placed the rooms right in front of each other, but still. Rose sat down on the one side of the bed and picked up an object from the oddly glowing night table.  
"_Shakespeare's Tragedies as an audio drama_? "she read aloud amused.  
"It helps me relaxing. A genius, Shakespeare. I'd love to meet him!" The excited sparkle she knew so well by now gleamed in his eyes. "When I'm healed I'm gonna take you to him! The Globe Theatre, you're gonna love it!" Seeing him so enthusiastic made her happy and strangely sad at the same time. Her gaze met the sketch of Madame de Pompadour, and suddenly her sadness was replaced by anger and jealousy.  
"I bet you'd have more fun with _her_." She nodded towards the painting. The Doctor frowned until he saw the sketch. Realisation drew into his face. And then, maybe the first time since he and Rose had this fight, he understood completely and said the exact right thing.  
"Reinette was...a mistake. She and I might have been great friends, but...you should only kiss the person you love." His gaze hushed to her lips, and for one moment she thought he would kiss her. But nothing happened, so she banned this thought from her mind and asked instead:  
"Did you draw all those?" She pointed her hand towards the sketches on the walls.  
"Yes" the Doctor said and grinned. "Amazing, isn't it? My right hand can draw really well. My left hand can't though, but the right hand is probably enough."  
"So...what do you draw?"  
"Everything! See this guy? Do you remember him? We met him in New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New New York..."  
"Why not me?" He blinked.  
"Sorry, what?"  
"Why did you never draw me? Blimey, you even drew Mickey! Why not me? Am I not even worth enough a sketch on your wall?" He ran his fingers through his hair, obviously uncomfortable.  
"...Of course you are. To be honest, I tried to draw you over and over again, but it's never perfect. That's why there is no picture of you. I actually didn't think it would hurt you." She was surprised, that was a reasonable answer.  
"Could you...do you think you could draw me now?" The Doctor hesitated visible.  
"Sure" he answered. "But...my arm...I mean, I suppose I could try it..." Rose flushed. For a second she had completely forgotten about the Doctors injury.  
"No, of course not! M'sorry, I forgot! We'll just wait, alright? – Are you tired?"  
"If I counted how often I heard this question today I'd be rich by now...or something like that. I've never been really good at remembering proverbs. – But yes, I am, actually."  
"Then let's go to sleep, okay? Uhm...you don't mind if I sleep in the same bed, do you?"  
"No!" he said quickly. Rose couldn't hide a smile and slipped under the covers before examining the Doctor closer.  
"Are you going to sleep in this suit?"  
"Yes! Are you going to sleep in this outfit?"  
"I wear sweatpants and a t-shirt, so...yes."  
"Oh."  
"What's wrong with that?"  
"Why should something be wrong with that?"  
"Because you said 'oh'! This means you think different for some strange, insulting reason. So, what is it?"  
"Well...what if danger comes at night and we have to save the world immediately? Nobody saves the world in sweatpants."  
"I did, in fact. The day we met. Living plastic, remember? I was in sweatpants then and I bloody saved the world while you just stood there and said something about the _Shadow Proclamation_ which no alien seems to know let alone obey!"  
"But did you look good? No."  
"Oh, _shut up_" she snapped. "You don't want to change, fine, sleep in this suit and choke on it!"  
"_Technically_ the scenario you just described is not possible." Rose moaned and turned off the lamp on the night table.  
They lay silent for a few seconds. Then the Doctor shifted under the blanket and a moment later Rose felt his hand in hers. She squeezed it.  
"Doctor?" She asked a couple of minutes later. The respond came immediately and sounded a bit alarmed.  
"Rose? What is it?" At the last moment she decided not to ask.  
"Nothing." The Doctor moved until he could look at her in the dark.  
"Tell me. Please." Rose closed her eyes, feeling uncomfortable.  
"Your question earlier. The puppies." She felt his sudden tense. "This question...it wasn't just random, was it?" He stiffened even more.  
"No" he said finally. "It wasn't just random." Rose had known that there was more, but she wasn't sure if she really wanted to know the _more_. "What was it about then?"  
"Rose, I'd rather not talk about it." An idea crossed her mind. She hoped she'd be wrong, she really did. But to find out she had to ask and by now she was seriously afraid of the possible answer.  
"Was it...about...you?" He removed his hand from hers quickly.  
"No! Oh, no, not at all! No, it was just...a pointless question...about..." His voice grew smaller and smaller in the end of his sentence. She didn't believe a word.  
"You..." _Last of the Timelords. Murderer of his race. 'Not thoroughbred and has also killed his littermates'. Please, no..._"You mean _you_ are the damn _puppy_? You bloody idiot!" The Doctor flinched in the dark.  
"Doesn't matter now, does it? You've made your choice, and this is fine. Completely fine."  
"Yes, I've made my choice, but you have misrepresented the facts _completely_! You always seem so human, but this was so unworldly and stupid that there doesn't exist a word for it!"  
"Actually there does exist a word. Not in English, but in – right, continue. Wait, no, don't continue, all you do is insulting me!"  
"Yes, because you deserve to be insulted! You are an idiot, and it will probably take me a long time to not get tired of calling you this whenever we talk about this puppy-question!"  
"It was a metaphor. Don't you learn anything at school these days?"  
"What we learn is how to use a metaphor _properly_."  
"But would your choice have been any different?"  
"Of course! When Jack broke you arm I told you I'd be there for you! Do you think I'd say this although I actually mean something different?"  
"Misunderstandings happen all the time" he replied, scarcely audible.  
"Not this time. Everything you have done before we met is your past from which I know merely a fraction. But what I know is that the Time War and the death of the Timelords is nothing you should blame on you. And, what might be more important, since the day we've met you haven't done anything wrong! Since we've met you have been childish and arrogant and an idiot, but you've also been kind and smart and _good_. Never, ever have you been evil. That's all that matters to me. – But, to revisit the topic, do you know what a complete misunderstanding was? The puppy-thing."  
"Right, I'm sorry, okay? – So, you say you don't mind that I..."  
"Killed your race?"  
"Am only half Timelord?"  
"Wait, _what?_"

_A/N: Isn't this a really cool, exciting, old-fashioned cliff-hanger? I'm really proud of myself – also because I actually managed to solve one or two problems. I hope Rose and the Doctor are not too much OOC. In case anyone missed Jack – he'll probably be back in the next chapter. _


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: I don't know how many of you know the theory about a human called Penelope Gate being the Doctors mother. If you have never heard of her you could google it, but the thing is, although I have taken her as a template I haven't borrowed every given information about her, I have changed some things for the sake of the story. So, coming to the point of this note, I just wanted to say if it's just for this fanfiction it really doesn't matter if you search for her or not because the role she plays here is explained anyway.  
Oh, and of course: Enjoy :D _

"Nevermind" he said quickly. _Idiot_ he thought. _Always too quick with words. Idiot, idiot, idiot. _  
"You can't revoke your words. You are...only half Timelord? How is this possible?" His face burned in shame, and he wanted already to launch into a distracting answer. But suddenly he got tired. Tired of all the hiding. He had so much revealed this day towards Rose. Did it really matter if she knew this fact, too? _If I am doing this, then at least properly _he decided, hoping he wouldn't regret his choice.

"The Timelords have always been a very...traditional folk" the Doctor began. "Strict rules everywhere: Wearing these terrible, old-fashioned clothes nobody with something like a dressing sense would ever touch, no interfering in politics or generally anything the normal Timelord or Timelady should officially not know about, and of course not interfering in anything else either. Timelords stick with their kind. But there was this one Timelord, Ulysses. He visited the earth and met a woman. She...well, she got pregnant and Ulysses left her behind and took the child with him to raise it in Gallifrey after the Timelords traditions which meant amongst other things that the child got sent to the academy at the age of 8. But the child was always different from the other children. There is one like this in every class ever existed: An outsider with no or very few friends, breaking rules all the time and despite this being smarter than everyone else. When the child grew up it continued this behaviour and the higher authorities were not exactly pleased, especially when...well, that doesn't matter actually. What is important is that...you'll have probably guessed it already, but I'm still going to say it because of the drama...the child was me."  
"Nooo" Rose said, pretending to be surprised before going back to serious. "But is it so bad that you have to hide the fact that your mother was human?"  
"I don't blame my mother or my father. After all they were in love...I think. But you know, the thing is, I am the last of my kind. Nobody would care for me if it turned out that I am not – that all the Timelords died and I am nothing but a hypocrite." Before she could react properly to this another thought crossed her mind, the beginning of all the drama of this day.  
"Wait. You said to Jack...I know I wasn't supposed to hear it...that you and I couldn't be together because the human race is tainted, but-"  
"No" he interrupted her. "I meant...the Timelords. They are the tainted ones. It was...kind of a misunderstanding, I guess." His voice was hoarse now, from the exhaustment of the day and maybe too from the secret he had kept so long and now finally revealed.  
"But – what?" This was surely something new. Usually it would have made Rose happy and angry at the same time, out of obvious reasons. But now, in this context, it didn't make sense. "If you say that the Timelords were tainted, why do you want so desperately be one of them? Why is it so important for you?" _And why did you say this 'Timelord and humans can't be together' crap in the first place? _  
"It's just...Rose, I might not be a Timelord, but I was raised after their beliefs. Someone like me, someone who isn't pure...he is an outcast. Less worth than every single one of them. So...I don't agree with basically everything the Timelords did in the end. Yet I can't run away from the fact that I'm not one of them, and...It destroys me. Because I want to be...I want to be a pure Timelord, just so I will be worth as much as them. Then I'd actually have the right do despise them, and I'd knew for certain that my disgust for them isn't because I'm jealous. But the problem is...I am not pure and I'll never be. I'll always be worthless in the eyes of a proper Timelord." The hurt expression in his ancient eyes showed that this pain was as old as him, as well as the self-disguise she saw also. Rose had suddenly a lump in her throat.  
"You are not less worth!" she protested.  
"I am not pure..."  
"If you say this word in this context ever again I'm gonna slap you!"  
"You wouldn't do that."  
"Wanna bet?"  
"But-"  
"Doctor, did you even listen to yourself? You make no sense! This human-Timelord-fit-not-together was a misunderstanding, I get it – and when the current discussion is finished we'll talk about this! But you say because you are half human you think you are less worth than other Timelords? You admit you don't agree with their beliefs but you think it's because you were _jealous_? And at the same time you despise them, but again you believe it's because of your jealousy? None of this makes _any_ sense! I get the feeling that you want to pity yourself and that's why you believe whatever is convenient in the moment, but putting all pieces together you contradict yourself constantly!"  
"I – I'm not...I don't..."  
"I'd contradict you. I'd say you are not less worth than them. I'd say there is no shame in being half human. But I don't think you'd believe me anyway. After all, I'm just a human, so I have no right to tell you the truth anyway, right?" Shock flashed through his eyes and his hand grabbed hers once again.  
"No! You are not 'just' human, you are part of the most beautiful race in the universe! Be proud and don't feel you are less worth just because..." He stopped and Rose grinned.  
"Please continue."  
"It's...this is different."  
"How is this different?"  
"I...you can't compare this."  
"And here we are, self-pitying again."  
"Right, I am _not_ self-pitying."  
"Whatever. Let's go back to the actual subject. Doctor, what would it need to assure you that you're wrong?" He heard the question and before thinking he turned back in his usual arrogant self.

"I'm a Timelord, Rose; I'm smart enough to know that – Oh." Rose smiled. Obviously he had realised his words. "Oh, _blimey_" he muttered.  
"See?" she said. "You are so used to be one. You have a TARDIS. You have two hearts. You were raised in their academy after their traditions. Even if you are half human – you are still a Timelord. You still have the right to bear this title."  
"But...this still isn't good enough. A half-Timelord isn't good enough for..." He didn't finish the sentence.  
"For whom?" The Doctor gazed at her intensively.  
"For you" he said quietly. Rose noticed once again the pain in his eyes, and it hurt her too. She had to prove that he was wrong. And right now she could only think of one way to do so...she leaned forward and pressed her lips on his.


	15. Chapter 15

_Sooo, I hope you enjoyed the end of the last chapter, I certainly did. Let's see how it goes on, shall we?  
Oh, and by the way: You guys should definitely check out the new amazing summary of this story and all thank Izzy DeAngelo for it because she wrote it. And also thanks to all of you who follow me or favourite my story or write reviews, you always manage to make me smile :D _

He smelled good, like rain and cinnamon and herbs. He tasted even better.  
But before she could start to actually enjoy the kiss – no, that was a lie, she already did – he pulled her back. An awkward silence occurred.  
"This was...interesting" he said finally.  
"It was" Rose agreed.  
"It was...good."  
"Yes it was."  
"And unusual for us."  
"Yup."  
"I mean, we have never done this before."  
"We haven't."  
"So...it was a new experience. Not completely new of course, but for us...together...I mean, you kissed me when you were possessed by Cassandra, but this hardly counts, right? So technically this was our first kiss, and it was...interesting. Interesting, yeah. Interesting."  
"Okay, stop saying 'interesting', this becomes kinda insulting.  
"Insulting? Why would I insult you? It was...interesting."  
"Just so you know, Mickey has never complained."  
"Of course he hasn't, why would he? It was very nice. You've surely some experience in this...which is interesting. And good. And...yeah."  
"Everything alright with you?"  
"What? Yes, sure. Uh, let's...where were we? Before this...happened, I mean."  
"We talked about you and that you are an idiot because you don't see the obvious."  
"Right." A pause, then: "What is the obvious?"  
"That it doesn't matter if you are Timelord or human or both."  
"Ah. Well. And then you...kissed me...why exactly did you kiss me? Not that I would mind, because I don't. Not really. Actually not at all. But...why?"  
"Did you ask Madame de Pompadour that, too?"  
"Well, no, but – wait, how did we come to this topic?"  
"You know, earlier you said you kiss only persons you love, and that's why Madame de Pompadour was a mistake."  
"...Yeah...that's true..."  
"Doctor?"  
"Hm?"  
"You kissed me back."

_I'm sorry. I know this chapter is extremely short. I'm so, so sorry. But it was the perfect way to end it, so...hope you like it anyway :D _


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Thanks for all your reviews and favouriting and following my story, I'm so happy you like it __J__  
Also thanks to NasEjos, who is kind of my beta reader (he doesn't really like the story but because he's nice he reads it and tells me my mistakes anyway) and also helped me a lot with the plot of this chapter because I had a serious writer's block. _

The Doctor started coughing. When he was calm again he said:  
"Well...I did, but..."  
"But? But you don't love me?"  
"Ugh."  
"Seriously? Ugh? That's all you're saying to this subject?"  
"Yup. – I suggest we go to sleep. I'm really tired now, aren't you, too?"  
"One day you will finally realise that you can't distract me."  
"Sleep is definitely what we both need now. Did I ever tell you what happened to this guy who didn't sleep and kept saying he wasn't tired?" Rose scowled, considered his words, and then decided that it might be worth it.  
"What happened to him?"  
"Oh, when he got too tired he went to sleep. And that's exactly what we should do." He ignored her scorns which as she knew he could perfectly see in the dark. Before Rose could respond her phone rang. It was Jack.  
"Your timing is amazing as always" she said as she answered the call.  
"Did I interrupt you two lovebirds in something?"  
"Shut up. Anyway, what do you want?"  
"Details. Tell me everything what happened until so far. Don't leave anything out. What else do I want? Hm...a threeso-"  
"Jack, why did you call?"  
"Oh. Right. Sorry, I got a bit distracted. I actually called to ask if it's alright if I sleep in your room. I am in our flat, by the way. Thought I might give you two some space."  
"No, it's alright, sleep there, just don't...open anything. Leave my things alone."  
"Dirty little secrets?"  
"Touch anything and I'm gonna kill you."  
"I won't make promises, but I'll try. See you in the morning." He hung up.  
"What did Jack want?" the Doctor asked suspiciously.  
"He's staying at my mum's flat overnight and asked if he could sleep in my room."  
"Ah." They were silent for a few moments before Rose remembered what they had talked about before the call.  
"Please, Doctor, just answer this question: Do you love me?"  
"Can't we just continue?" he asked quietly. "Things will change." She knew what he meant. Whatever his answer would be, after this conversation everything would be different.  
"We could just take the risk and hope it'll be a good change" she suggested.  
"We could" he agreed. "So...I think you know the answer." The Doctor smiled weakly, obviously trying to seem normal, yet Rose saw right through the facade.  
"I want to hear it anyway." And so she did. In this very moment Rose knew the Doctor loved her. She had known for a long time, but decided not to do anything about it. Then in the early evening – it seemed like a much longer period of time than just a few hours – she had doubted it, had believed she was wrong. But now, after all the things they had talked about, after solving all the misunderstandings, she was certain again.  
Yet she wanted to hear it. The Doctor didn't want to admit it for some reason, and Rose was almost sure it wasn't just because he thought he wasn't worth love due to his 'only' half-Timelord entity.  
"Rose...you said it yourself. I kissed you back."  
"Why don't you just say the words then?"  
"The last time I said these words to anyone...was the night before my wife died."  
"Your wife" Rose repeated.  
"Yes. It was a long, long time ago; I was in my first incarnation. I said this to her and 24 hours later she was dead. Chen-7, that was the sickness. Only infects species with two hearts. She was isolated so nobody else could catch the illness. I couldn't even hold her hand. Anyway, this was the last time I spoke these words aloud."  
"I'm sorry" she whispered. The Doctor merely shrugged.  
"It doesn't bother me anymore. After all it was almost a thousand years ago."  
"Yet you can't say the words."  
"I'm sorry" he said.  
"Don't be."  
"But-"  
"I love you."  
"What?"  
"You can't say it, alright. Doesn't mean I can't either."  
"Yes it does! It's one of these unwritten rules!"  
"How's your arm?"  
"Has begun to heal, bu-"  
"Good." She kissed him again. This time he didn't pull her back.

_I think I've never been so uncertain about a chapter. Never. Ever. __**Please**__ tell me what you think. _


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N:_ I_ know, it's been forever, and I'm genuinely sorry. But...I don't know. I have a writer's block at the moment. This chapter is just posted because I know exactly where I'm heading with this story (finally), and I didn't want to let you guys wait any longer. I'm still unhappy with it, and I have the feeling that I'm kind of stuck. So, I'll post this chapter and you guys tell me what_ you_ think - do you want me to finish the story? _

He was awakened by the ring of his phone. A look at the screen told him that it was his mate, Connor.

"What do you want?"

"Hey man, relax, it's only 8 o'clock."

"Exactly, it's in the middle of the night, so _what do you want_?" Even though he was tired he tried to bring steel into his voice, to remind Connor that he wasn't talking to a random bloke. Judging from the following stuttering it had worked.

"Sorry, man, i-it's just...I saw her. Your girlfriend, ya know - forgot her name, but she is blond she is. Maybe Daisy? It was some sort of vegetable...Carrot. Nah, that's not it...Peach? Wait, that's not a vegetable, is it?"

"Rose, by any chance?" He interrupted him.

"That's it!" Connor exclaimed. "Anyway, Rose, she's back she is. Saw her like one minute ago, walking down the street...alone, without this boyfriend of hers, ya know, the guy we-"

"Yes, Connor, my memory is just fine, thank you. Did she see you? Did she speak to you?"

"She seemed in a rush, so I figured I'd better not disturb her...the last time she broke my bloody nose!"

"She slapped you. She didn't break your nose."

"Yeah, whatever, it hurt like hell anyway..." This time he just had to be silent for few seconds to make Connor realise that he'd better come to the point quickly. "So, I can still follow her, I only saw her, like, what, one minute ago?" He couldn't shake off the feeling that his friend was still - or already - drunk. Not that it bothered him, but one day he'd drink so much that the part of his brain which hadn't drown in the alcohol so far would get massive damage.

"No, don't follow her. She is alone, that's good. I'll come around later this day, maybe I'll meet her per coincidence...we might have time for a little chat. The first talk after our little fight."

"Little fight? She punched you in the gu-"

"Shut up."

"I'm just sayin' that-"

"I said _Shut. Up."  
_  
"Right, sorry. So, I don't follow her. What if I see her boyfriend again?"

"I don't think he's going to wander around in this area again any time soon. Have you seen him yesterday?"

"Yeah...He looked like a bloody corpse he looked" Connor whispered. He was not in the mood to deal with one of Connor's self-doubts, so he hung up without another word. _If he isn't dead now Rose'll still see that he isn't a real man, not like me. Who lets himself get beaten up without even struggling? _Jimmy Stone thought before going back to sleep.


End file.
